...for the holidays, my boyfriend decides to break up with me.

I keep trying to figure out why, even though it's obvious that no matter what it was, it won't change. He simply doesn't want me. He doesn't want to meet my friends or family, and hanging out with me is like a punishment for him. According to him we have little in common and shouldn't be together. He doesn't see himself as a "relationship"-type of person.

My friend Mike later said, "well, I'm sure you're a good girlfriend for someone who's actually looking for a relationship."

idk what I want now. I know I don't wanna be married or have kids or anything funky like that. I'm young. But, it felt like we were building something stronger than that. Overcoming difficulties and such.

I even got him a Christmas present that I now have no clue what to do with (Star Wars Universe Atlas, he mentioned it to me a few months ago). I also made him cookies and a picture and was going to give him one of my beloved stuffed animals. I now want to apologize to said stuffed animal and throw away those cookies. I know if I look at the Atlas or the picture (it was a picture of us inside a Taun-Taun that I made with crayons), I will only cry. So I think I will write horrid messages on both of them and give them to him anyways.

Then again, I don't want him to hate me.

Though, I don't know how I could just revert back to being friends again. He acts like it's all so easy. But he never got emotionally attached with me.

I planned on spending today and tomorrow with him, having him meet my family, and cuddling with him and making him vegan foods that he would pretend to like because I fail at cooking.

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I hate this so much </3
I am right now going to drink some more sake.